The Mixing of Fandoms and the Bowl of Ramen
by Murder in the Moshpit
Summary: It was only a bowl of ramen... a bowl of ramen that everyone seems to be after, that is. But why? And when the deadly game of hot potato stops, who will walk away the lucky winner... with the bowl of ramen?
1. Prologue: The Bowl of Ramen is Found

**Wow, this is old. And I mean REALLY old. I found it and you know what? I'm gonna post it. No own. I do, however, own one beat up orange notebook. Sorry if story is very short. And sorry if Sasook is OOC.**

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Uchiha Sasuke roamed the forest aimlessly, not really looking for anything in particular. Uzumaki Naruto had gotten on his last nerve, and he was tired of Haruno Sakura trying to flirt with him. Between Naruto, Sakura, and being very, very hungry, he had had enough. Sasuke was officially in a very bad mood.

When Sasuke got in one of his Bad Moods, people tended to suddenly turn up in random places badly injured. And when this happened, Sasuke was yelled at. This put him in an even worse Bad Mood. So when he got in one of his Bad Moods, Sasuke took refuge in the forest. And when neccessary, he took his anger out on hapless squirrels.

The funniest thing was that the aimless wandering didn't really help Sasuke much. It just made him even angrier, therefore putting him in an even worse Bad Mood. Having anger issues and odd underlying homocidal tendencies could do this to a person. The squirrel population was rapidly declining, and Sasuke was now officially starving. He rummaged in his pockets, but alas. No package, nor wrapper, nor even condensed soup can. Sasuke supposed that he could always just eat the next squirrel he used for 'therapy', but that might be a little nasty.

Suddenly, a delicious smell caught Sasuke's attention. It smelled a little familiar... a little like Naruto's house... and Naruto's house smelled like... Ramen!

After this wonderful conclusion, Sasuke dashed off full pelt towards the source of the wonderful aroma. There, in the middle of a clearing, was a bowl of ramen. It was even placed conveniently on a tree stump. Sasuke distinctly remembered his teacher Kakashi-sensei telling him that a good ninja should never take obvious bait... but Sasuke was too starving to care. He ran to the bowl of ramen. Then, calamity struck.

There were no chopsticks.

"No!" Sasuke cried angrily. "Please, no! CHOPSTICKS!!"

Alas, no chopsticks made any miraculous appearances. But a hungry Sasuke is a desparate Sasuke, and he reached towards the bowl to simply slurp the noodles. But he never got the change too, because someone else stepped into the clearing.

"I'll fight you for that," Harry Potter said.


	2. The Incapacitation of Sasuke

**Sorry if story is very short. And sorry if Sasook is OOC. No own nothin but the clothes on me back... at least, I hope I own those... o.O**

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"Agreed," Sasuke said coldly, moving into combat position. This new wimp looking guy with the black hair didn't even seem to have any training. He'd be easy game, especially for Sasuke (who was, after all, an Uchiha, and EVERYONE knew that the Uchiha were ABSOLUTELY UNBEATABLE) and then Sasuke could happily have his ramen.

At least, that's what Sasuke thought.

Then, the 'wimp' pulled out a magic wand.

Sasuke had heard of these many times (because he was, after all, and Uchiha, and EVERYONE knew that the Uchiha knew ABSOLUTELY EVERYHTING) but he had never been menaced by one before. He had laughed at the thought of a mere stick blowing someone to bits, but somehow when he was the someone about to be blown to bits it wasn't really much of a laughing matter anymore.

Sasuke was preparing to launch a smoke bomb, grab the ramen, and run... when the boy began to yell words in some strange type of otherworldly language.

_Uh oh..._

That was the last thing Sasuke remembered thinking before there was a blinding flash of red light, and then the darkness began to close heavily over him.


	3. The Chapter With No Name

**Sorry if story is very short. Sorry if Harry is OOC. Now, I expect you are all waiting in nail biting suspense for my disclaimer. Well, ya kno wat? How on earth do you expect me to own all 5 fandoms appearing in this chapter? What, ya think I'm George Lucas or summat? (Hmm, it'd be fun to be George Lucas... Right, back to the story.)**

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"Hee hee hee..." Harry snickered, holding the ramen close. He was about to start the search for a pair of chopsticks, when... WHAM.

Suddenly, Harry was knocked off his feet by a new intruder. His wand was snatched from him, and the bow of ramen flew from his hands. He watched in desparation as his treat was caught by the invader. All hope had been lost. Suddehly, a heavy boot was placed on Harry's chest.

"Now that's not nice," a deep British voice drawled.

"Oh, and like THAT is?" Harry said indignantly, gesturing up to the intruder holding his/Sasuke's ramen, then to the boot firmly stepping on him. "And have we met before?"

"Don't know, don't care. Maybe once, among the seas of pages on Fanfiction dot net. I tend to stay in my own section, but every so often I get suddenly, and without my permission, thrown into an X-over. Or killed off, or Slashed, or paired with a Mary Sue. None of those are very nice, wouldn't you agree?"

"You... you think we're... in an X-over?" Harry asked the newcomer as realization began to dawn on him.

"Prob'ly," the other responded with a yawn. "So are you going to get on with it and tell me who you are?"

"Maybe... if you... stop... steppin'... on me..." Harry grunted from under the dirty boot. The man shrugged.

"Oh, my mistake." He removed the foot and pulled Harry to his feet. "No hard feelings, eh? So, lad, what's your name?"

"Harry... Harry Potter, sir," Harry replied, realizing that he didn't know the man's name either.

"Captain Jack Sparrow. Lovely." Jack said this with an air of absolute finality, then scanned the clearing. His gaze fell upon the unconscious Sasuke, who he motioned to. "Gave 'im a spot of bother, eh, Harry mate? Why?"

"For THAT." Harry motioned to Sasuke's/ his/ Jack's ramen. "Which you so kindly took from me. "

"You so kindly took it from him," Jack pointed out. He hefted the bowl of ramen up to eye level. "This stuff is nothing but bother, Harry mate." He took a deep whiff of it. "It smells mighty good, though." Jack sighed with the air of a martyr. "You know, I should just eat it now and end all of this."

"No!" cried a Mysterious Cloaked Figure, materializing in front of Jack. "Don't eat the ramen!"


	4. The Dark Side of the Ramen

**Sorry if story is very short. Sorry if people are OOC. After last chapter you don't expect me to have a disclaimer, now do ya? Do ya? Do ya? Huh? Huh? **

**Disclaimer: I own not.**

**Ha, suckers. (Oh, and in case this comes up: Harry's wand was knocked out of his hands by Jack's tackle. That's why he can't fight back.)**

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Ten minutes later Jack, Harry, and the still-unconscious Sasuke were all tied up and the newly arrived Mysterious Cloaked Figure was in possession of the apparently-coveted bowl of ramen.

"What goes around comes around, eh?" Jack said sadly, eyeing his bonds. "But I'll get outta this one. I'm Captain Jack Sparrow!" He smiled, then nodded in the general direction of Sasuke's/Harry's/Jack's/The Mysterious Cloaked Figure's Ramen. "Then, I'll eat that."

The Mysterious Cloaked Figure was examining the ramen closely. Then, he pulled something out of his pocket that seemed to resemble a Muggle walkie talkie. "This is Anakin. I've gone through the portal, master. I've taken three prisoners and their treasure. Transmission ended." Then, he turned back to his three captives. "Do any of you have chopsticks?"

"If we did, that ramen would have been eaten already," Harry grunted, irked.

"Hn," Anakin grunted. Surely if Sasuke had been awake, he would have protested at the blatant theft of his phrase. "What happened to him?" Anakin asked, pointing to Sasuke.

"Long story," Jack supplied as Harry grinned a little sheepishly. Anakin gave the bound prisoners a strange look, but merely stalked ouver to the tree stump where the ramen had been first discovered by an unfortunate Sasuke, and plopped himself down on it lightly.

"What universe are you from?" Harry asked Anakin, hoping to gain as much information about his opponent as possible.

"You tell me first," Anakin replied strategically.

"All right," Jack said grandly. "I am Captain Jack Sparrow, of the Carribean. I am captain of a ship somewhere thereabouts. This is Harry Potter, who is apparently some sort of wizard type creature. That, over there, with the funny hairstyle, is The Knocked Out Person We Know Nothing About Except That He Has Funny Hair And Is Quite Apparently Knocked Out." He finished with a small flourish of the head.

"I am... Anakin Skywalker," Anakin said awkwardly, wondering if it was alright to disclose such information to prisoners. "I was currently on Naboo... but I don't seem to be anymore."

"We're in an X-over," Harry told him. "Do you think you could help us get ou-"

He was interrupted by a loud ripping noise. He shot a quick look in the direction of the noise, hoping that it wasn't another random person come to take the ramen from Anakin and tie them all up again. Fortunately, it was merely Jack tearing a strip off the cuff of his shirt. "The Knocked Out Person is going to bleed himself to death, by the looks of it," Jack informed all and sundry. "An' I don't think we want that to happen." He smushed the peice of cloth onto Sasuke's face in a rather haphazard manner. "All right then!" he said triumphantly. "All better."

Harry didn't exactly think that The Knocked Out Person would agree, but The Knocked Out Person was currently incapacitated and unavailable for comment. Besides, it wasn't like Jack could do any better. With no offense intended, he didn't exactly seem like the orderly type.

Meanwhile, Anakin was still examining Sasuke's/Harry's/Jack's/his ramen. "How'm I supposed to eat it if there aren't any chopsticks?" he whined in a rather Eowyn-like manner. "It's not exactly like I can use the force to levitate the noodles or anything..."

"Urgh. What a loser," Sasuke muttered.

"He's alive!" a new voice exclaimed.


	5. The Pretty Boy Gets the Ramen

**Sorry if story is very short. Sorry if people are OOC. Much Legolas bashing. My apologies to fangirls. **

**Disclaimer: Your mom. That's not a disclaimer, you say? ...well, is now.**

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Everyone stared as a blonde female elf pranced into the clearing and over to them. As she approached, they began to realize... she wasn't a she. She was apparently supposed to be a he. "Hi everybody!" he squealed, reminding all and sundry of the song Barbie Girl.

"Eee... help..." Anakin gasped as he/she/it approached. Suddenly, he toppled over. The blonde elf had shot him with a tranquilizer dart.

Harry began to sob. Jack shuddered violently. Sasuke growled in what he hoped was a menacing manner. Anakin thrashed. The pretty- boy elf examined Sasuke's/Harry's/Jack's/Anakin's/Pretty Boy Elf's ramen. "I'm LEGOLAS!" the elf simpered. Anakin was still writhing. Jack was frozen in horror. Harry was wailing "Eeeee!!" And Sasuke looked like he was about to be sick.

"What's wrong?" Legolas whined. "Maybe... I must need to brush my hair!" he whipped out a matching pink brush and mirror set. Everyone present cowered in fear.

Suddenly a loud mewling noise came from the bushes. "MROOOOOWWWW!!!" A hissing and spitting noise continued, closely followed by something coming flying out of the bush. Legolas collapsed, moaning "My beautiful hair!"


	6. Ramen is the Cat's Meow

**Sorry if story is very short. Sorry if people are OOC. Much Legolas bashing. My apologies to fangirls. **

**Disclaimer: Sweet little bumble bee, I know what you want from me... do da do da disclaimer, do da do da do da!! No owneth anything, except a piece of shiny bling!! Do da do da do... I'm bored. Really bored. Can you tell?**

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Sure enough, Legolas had been pounced upon by a very angry looking cat... that is, if it's entirely possible to tell when cats are 'angry' and 'very angry'. "No, please!" Legolas begged. "Spare the hair!" But his attacker wouldn't listen. Not that his attacker was even human. Not that his not-human attacker could even understand the random howlings of the angry seeming elf (Because it's possible to tell when elves are 'angry' and 'very angry').

Sandstorm stood on Legolas's chest, yowling in triumph. She, a mere cat, had beaten a giant twoleg. Not that said giant twoleg had been expecting said attack, but Sandstorm had no way of knowing this. She merely knew that she had just accomplished an enormous feat... or so she thought.

Suddenly, something terrifying appeared that made Sandstorm drom Sasuke's/Harry's/Jack's/Anakin's/Legolas's/her bowl of highly coveted ramen.

It was a Magical Toe.


	7. The Second Chapter With No Name

**Sorry if story is very short. Sorry if people are OOC... except Legolas, who is meant to be OOC. Much Legolas bashing. My apologies to fangirls, people who want longer chapters, your mom, and people who were once sane but are sane no longer. **

**Disclaimer: Once upon a time, there was your mom. Your mom didn't own any fandoms. Once upon a time there was me. Neither do I. The end. **

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"TOOOOEEEE!!! ROOOOPE!!! TOOOOEEEE!!!" Magical Trevor giggled. Rope sprang out of his toe and tied up poor Sandstorm, who never stood a chance. Then, Magical Trevor seized Sasuke's/Harry's/Jack's/Anakin's/Legolas's/Sandstorm's/his ramen. "CHOOOOPPPSSTTTIIIIKKK???" Magical Trevor questioned. "Raaaameeennn??? Chooooppppssttiiiikkkk???"

"You're such a loser!" Sasuke snorted at the furious Legolas.

"No, I'm not!" Legolas bellowed.

"Yeah, you really are."

"No!"

"Yup."

"No!" Legolas growled angrily, glaring over at the obstinate Sasuke. "Why are you such a meanie? No one asked you!" Sasuke merely smirked. His plan to start a random huge fight was working nicely.

"Stop crying, Legolas," Harry groaned. "You're such a baby."

"I'm not crying! And I'm not a baby!" Legolas protested quite loudly. Soon chaos reigned over the small clearing- at least, more chaos then before.

... until THEY arrived.


	8. Spork

**Things I am sorry for: The story being short. Legolas being purposely made OOC. Lack of a disclaimer cause I don't want to write one. My theft of what sanity you used to have. Your mom's face. The end.**

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Whump. Whump. Whump. "Spork. Spork. Spork. Spork." Whump. Whump. Whump. Whump. "Spork. Spork. Spork. Spork." Whump. Whump. Whump. Whump. "Spork. Spork. Spork. Spork." Whump. Whump. Whump. Whump. "Spork. Spork. Spork. Spork."

"It's... it's... it's..." Harry gasped.

"Save the rum!" Jack yelled.

"Eeee!" Legolas squealed.

"It can't be!" Sasuke frowned.

"It IS!" Anakin yelped.

"Run for your lives!" Sandstorm mewed.

"Tooooee... raaaaameeeeennn... spooooorrrrkkk... eeeeeee..." whimpered Magical Trevor, dropping the bowl of ramen.

Quickly, they all whisked behind a clump of randomly appearing tree stumps to watch the odd scene unfolding before their eyes. Legolas and Sasuke were still bickering, although in whispers now.

"_Loser!"_

_"Am not!"_

"SPOOOORRRKKK!!!" The leader of the Spork Army bellowed. "NO MAS STAMP!" The sporks stopped marching. "Plop!" The sporks sat. "HALT!!!" The sporks sat and waited, gazing up at their leader. The Spork Army Leader matched over to Sasuke's/Harry's/Jack's/Anakin's/Legolas's/Sandstorm's/Magical Trevor's/his ramen. He looked about for chopsticks. None. "N E SPORK TENGO CRUNCHTWIG?" He roared. The sporks all shook their heads (If, of course, this is possible for sporks to do), blank looks on their ugly spork like faces.

"HAND SPORK LEADER CRUNCHTWIG!!!" the Spork Leader roared angrily. But the other sporks, having none to give him, did nothing. He was about to use the ramen as a boomerang and send several of the sporks to Spork Heaven (if, of course, this exists) when a very strange sound began to fill their ears...

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Spork- Spork

No Mas Stamp- Stop

Plop- sit

Halt- wait

N E SPORK TENGO CRUNCHTWIG- Does anyone have chopsticks

HAND SPORK LEADER CRUNCHTWIG- Give me chopsticks


	9. Wazza Dat Lalala

**Admittedly, it would be easier just to simply take the easy way out and write an actual disclaimer for once... but when is the easy way out actually fun?**

**Apologies for shortness, and spork. (No pun intended... well, maybe little pun.)**

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"Ya tsup tsup ari dik ari dan a dits dadi didl an dits dan dool a..." An orange haired girl that appeared to have more energy than a nuclear power plant came bounding into the clearing, a green vegetable spinning at her side. The sporks could only stare. "Lippi duppi dul a look batti goody gan goody gan gook aya gitty gan gool!"

"Wazza dat lalala?" The Spork Army Leader yelped, in a state of clear confusion. "Tis nyet Spooork!!"

"Tis leeeeeek!!" bellowed a random spork. "Da gerrl spin leeeeek!!"

"Leeeeeekkk..." the spork leader said craftily as a crafty idea popped into his ugly spork head. "Leeeeeek. Leeeeek yummmeh."

"Watashitachi spork eet leeeeek?" asked one of the sporks.

"Ya," the spork leader grinned evilly, in a way that could bode no good for anyone. "Watachitachi spork eet leeeek."

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**Wazza dat lalala- What is the source of that music**

**Tis nyet spooooork- It is not a spork **

**Tis leeeeeeeeeeek- It is a leek**

**Da gerrl spin leeeeeeek- That female is spinning a leek**

**Leeeeeeeek- Leek**

**Leeeeeeeeek yummmmeh- Leeks taste good**

**Watashitachi spork eet leeeeeek- May we eat the leek**

**Ya, Watashitach spork eeeet leeeeeeeek- Yes, you have my permission to consume the leek.**


	10. The COOOM Appears

**Pen name: Jadestone Aura**

**Stories Written: Many**

**Fandoms Owned: None**

**That good enough for ya? Once more apologies for OOCness and general retardedness. Various old men from various fandoms will be made fun of. But finally- an almost decent length chapter. Almost. **

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"Puedo watashitachi spoooork eet leek ahora?" a spork begged.

The Spork Army Leader's eyes narrowed. "Ya. Ahora."

The orange haired girl (who, by the way, happened to possess the name of Orihime) froze. Her eyes widened in fear. But just as the vicious plastic utensils were about to charge the trembling female... a ninja, wizard, pirate, jedi, elven archer, warrior cat, and mutant magical being jumped out from behind the tree stumps to defend her.

"DON'T come ANY closer!" the ninja threatened. The wizard glared threateningly, the pirate stuck out his tongue, the jedi brandished a lightsaber angrily, the elven archer fluffed his hair, the warrior cat snarled, the mutant magical being giggled and babbled, and Orihime sighed in relief.

"We must fight these evil mass produced plastic menaces of doom!" Sasuke proclaimed. "Do I have your word?" Deciding that perhaps some heroism on his own part was called for, he added, "You have my chakra!" None of the assembled had the slightest inkling of what chakra could possibly be, but they were all in awe anyway.

"You have my wand!" Harry cried.

"My gun with one shot, hat, rusty sword, and undead monkey!" proclaimed Jack.

"My lightsaber!" bellowed Anakin.

"My Barbie mirror- err, I mean bow and arrows!" squealed Legolas.

"My claws!" hissed Sandstorm.

"TOOOOOOOOEEEEEE!!!" babbled Magical Trevor.

"And my leek!" put in Orihime.

"J00 hath watashitachi Spoooork hatership!!" growled the Spork Army Leader. They were about to beat the masses into a bloody chakra driven magical piratical force related blonde furry toe smelling leek tasting pulp, when suddenly there was a giant flash and they were all thrown backwards.

POOF!

"We are... DUN DUN DUN... THE CLUB OF OBSCENELY OLD MEN!" declared eight obscenely old cloaked figures.

"?"

"The lonely old hearts club sounded boring," Elrond droned, noticing the odd expressions on the faces of all and sundry.

"?"

"Let me introduce everyone," Elrond continued in monotone. "This is Lord Hokage, or The Warty One. Dumbledore, or The Preachy One. Argus Filch, or The Filthy One. Governor Swann, or The Cowardly One. Yoda, or The Wrinkly One. Gandalf, or The Boring One. Tallstar, or The Tottery One. I am Elrond, or The Long-Winded One. Of course we are all warty, preachy, filthy, cowardly, wrinkly, boring, tottery, and long winded, but certain categories just pertain to certain people better than certain others."

"I can see why he's the long winded one," Sasuke whispered to Harry, but Harry was already nodding off.

"Take over from here, I will!" offered Yoda the Wrinkly One. "Fight over this ramen you must not! Not until fair it is! Bring three from each fandom from! Then a fight you may have! Wisely you must choose! Inside yourselves you must look! Your feelings you must examine! And with you may the force be!"

Then, with another poof, they were gone.

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**Puedo watashitachi spork eet leek ahora- Do we have your permission to consume the leek now?**

**Ya, ahora- Yes, you may consume the leek now.**

**Tooooooooeeeeeeee- Toe**

**J00 hath watashitachi spork hatership- And you have the priviledge of being detested by us sporks.**


	11. Three Each Fandom From

**No tengo nada. Tambien no tengo un cerebro. Muahahaaa! ph33r m4h 14k 0ph br4yn3!! ...oh, and I do own the sporks (sadly.) Also, Harry's monologue belongs to JK Rowling, NOT ME... I just couldn't resist.**

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Fandom One (Naruto) - Uchiha Sasuke, Haruno Sakura, Uzumaki Naruto 

Fandom Two (Harry Potter)- Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger

Fandom Three (Pirates of the Caribbean)- Jack Sparrow, Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann

Fandom Four (Star Wars)- Anakin Skywalker, Obi Wan Kenobi, and The Ghost Of Qui Gon Jinn

Fandom Five (Lord of the Rings)- Legolas Greenleaf, Frodo Baggins, Samwise Gamgee

Fandom Six (Warriors)- Sandstorm, Firestar, Dustpelt

Fandom Seven (Magical Trevor)- Magical Trevor, The Pig, The Cow

Fandom Eight (Bleach)- Orihime, Ichigo, Ishida

Fandom Nine (Sporks)- Spork Army Leader, Spork One, Spork Two

x

"Why did you have to pick us?" Naruto complained.

Sasuke frowned. "We're on the same team, aren't we?"

"You could have asked Kakashi-sensei..."

"He said he was 'busy'."

"That pervert probably found the sequel to 'Icha Icha Paradaisu'."

"I'm starting to wonder why I even brought you."

"Exactly!"

"Just shut up."

x

"I'm starving!" moaned Ron.

"So what part of it isn't living up to your expectations?" asked Harry. Anger was coming to his defense now. "Did you think we'd be staying in five-star hotels? Killing a spork every other day? Did you think you'd be back to Mummy by Christmas?"

"You two..." sighed Hermione.

x

"So we're stuck out here with nothing to do, nothing to see and nothing to eat?" Will asked.

"Correction!" cried Jack. "We're stuck out here. But we have plenty to do, there's eight other teams to kill. We have something to see, we have the lovely, err, barren wasteland around us. And as for food... when living like cows, eat like cows!" For emphasis, he pulled up a few meager clumps of grass. A worm slowly inched its way up one of them. "Or not," he ammended with a shudder.

x

"You'll be the next one to join the Club Of Obscenely Old Men!" Anakin snickered to Qui Gon. "You're even older than I remembered!"

"I AM a ghost..." Qui Gon pointed out, sincerely irked. Obi Wan decided to ignore their conversation... after all, he was getting on in his years too.

x

"Legolas! Could yeh pay attention?" grumbled Sam. They had been trying to formulate a plan, but all Legolas had done so far was brush his hair. Again. And again.

"No," Legolas protested, not really listening anyway.

x

"We have to go hunting, but there's nothing to hunt..." Sandstorm mewed worriedly.

"If we don't hunt, we don't eat," Dustpelt sighed.

"If we don't eat, we DIE!" Firestar wailed.

"Obvious much?" Dustpelt snorted derisively. However, he was ignored.

"This is exactly why we need that ramen!" Sandstorm yowled. "So can we please get back to our plan??"

"What plan?"

"The one we haven't made yet, because certain cats won't close their mouths...?"

"Point taken."

x

"TOOOOEEEEEE???" asked Magical Trevor.

"Oink," replied The Pig.

"Moo," replied The Cow.

x

"Ya tsup tsup..." Orihime began to sing.

"PLEASE, ORIHIME!!" Ishida begged, covering his ears.

"Sorree..." Orihime said innocently.

x

"Spork!"

"Spork..."

"SpoRK."

x


	12. Character Death

**The only thing I own in this story is the sporks. And the right to remain silent which, unfortunately for you all, I will not employ. Pttthhhbbtttt. HP spoilers.**

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When Sakura woke up the next morning, calamity was rapidly ensuing. Sasuke and Naruto, it seemed, had been up all night arguing. Neither of them was very happy with the other, she assumed, judging by the fact that they were drawing weapons. Sasuke turned to see Sakura. Sakura opened her mouth to warn him, but-

"Die, Sasuke!" Sasuke fell with a kunai in his back.

Sakura let out a gasp of horror, clutching Sasuke's body to her chest. "Sasuke- no-" she wailed dramatically. With bravado, she turned to see Naruto grinning. "NARUTO!" she shrieked. With a whisk of a shuriken, Naruto was in the same state as Sasuke.

x

Harry and Ron were still arguing, as well. It seemed that Harry's comment about Ron's mum had not been recieved so well. Ron retaliated with a very brutal 'Your Mom' insult involving a frisbee, an elephant, a carwash, and, of course, Harry's mother. Harry had not recieved this well, either, thinking that Ron was taking a jab at him for not having a mother. Harry had sent a rather awful curse in Ron's direction... except, he missed and it didn't go in Ron's direction. It went in Hermione's. This, too, was not taken well by Ron. It seemed that Ron was still looking forward to the part in the seventh book where he and Hermione fell in love, and sent a similar curse at Harry... who was too busy angsting to dodge.

x

In yet another encampment, arguing was the order of the day. It seemed that Will and Jack had decided, once and for all, to fight for Elizabeth.

"She's mine!" yelled Will.

"No, MINE!" yelled Jack.

WHUMP. Both fell over.

"I'm neither of yours," Elizabeth said irritably, dropping her boulder launcher.

x

No one was quite sure what had happened at the Star Wars camp. The landscape was too mauled to detect anything... except Qui Gon's ghost drifting away, muttering about certain people eating his marmalade.

x

Sam and Frodo, tired of Legolas, had decided to do something about the 'problem'. They 'disposed of' the 'excess baggage'... then Frodo 'fled the scene' with the Ring, leaving poor Sam to 'deal with' the 'cops'.

x

Another fight over a girl seemed to be happening in yet another camp. Firestar and Dustpelt bravely charged... mistakenly in the same direction, and unfortunately towards a cliff.

x

The spork encampment was in a desert-like area. The sun was hot. Hot sun melts plastic. The sporks were made of plastic. Spork One was smart. Spork One jumped into a portable freezer. Spork Two and the Spork Army Leader were stupid. They stopped to smell the desert roses. Plastic melted.

x

Magical Trevor was starving. His allies were a pig and a cow. Magical Trevor had bacon and steak for dinner. The end.

x


	13. Alliances and the First Battle

**This is my longest fic so far. For this I will celebrate. Yay. No own.**

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ALLIANCES:

Team 1 (The Ferocious Females)- Haruno Sakura, Elizabeth Swann

Team 2 (The -Ons)- RON and Qui GON

Team 3 (The Babblers)- Sam and Magical Trevor

Team 4 (The Leek Spinner and her Dinner)- Orihime and Leek

Team 5 (The Non Human Type Things)- Sandstorm and Spork One

x

Sakura and Elizabeth moved quietly through the underbrush. Suddenly, with a resounding whump, they bumped (quite literally) into The Ons. "You take Ron," Sakura ordered. "I'll take the Jedi." Elizabeth nodded and pulled out her boulder launcher with a sinister smile.

Qui Gon smiled, thinking that he was invincible as a ghost. Sakura, however, pulled out a vaccuum.

"How about we turn here, Mr. Trevor sir? Is that alright, Your Magicalness?" Sam asked.

"Toooooooooeeeeeeee..."

Sam decided that, for lack of a better translation, that this meant yes. They turned... just to be confronted by Orihime and her Leek. Sam, in a move that he thought could only be described as genius, ate the Leek...unaware of the fact that it was poisonous.

Sandstorm watched this all unfold with interest... until she saw a puddle of melted plastic nearby. Apparently, her and Spork One's hiding spot should have been chosen better.


	14. A Brief Recap and TCOOOM Extermination

**This is my still longest fic so far. For this I will celebrate again. Yay. Still no own.**

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Elizabeth defeated Ron easily with the boulder launcher... until she tripped. Off Firestar and Dustpelt's cliff.

This left Sakura, Magical Trevor, Sandstorm, and Orihime. The four of them stood there for a moment, wondering what to do next... until Sakura proposed the logical. "Umm... I guess we're supposed to randomly kill eachother off in the most horrendous, graphic, and violent ways possible with as much heavy artillery and random accidents as can be fit into one paragraph, right?"

"Tooooooooee."

"Mrrrooowwww."

"...?"

Thus the battle began... or, at least, the battle was GOING to begin. Until a loud POOF, once again, ruined all.

The COOOM had showed up to wreck the day.

Lord Hokage the Warty One, Dumbledore the Preachy One, Filch the Filthy One, Governor Swann the Cowardly One, Yoda the Wrinkly One, Gandalf the Boring One, Tallstar the Tottery One, and Elrond the Long-Winded One appeared in the clearing, still living up to their names.

"Congratulate you on living this far, I must!" Yoda the Wrinkly One proclaimed.

"You don't HAVE to..." Sakura said, trying to sound like she merely meant it modestly, while she was subtly hinting that the COOOM was not entirely neccessary under the circumstances.

"Oh, but we must!" Elrond the Long Winded One proclaimed with the air of one who was about to make a rather Long Winded speech. "And-"

"TOOOOEEEE..." yawned Trevor. He turned to face the Club Of Obscenely Old Men. He muttered a few random evil-sounding magic spells along with some random interjections of 'toe' every few words. TCOOOM let out a collective gasp. For shining in front of Trevor, in a lime green bottle, was Warty, Preachy, Filthy, Cowardly, Wrinkly, Boring, Tottery, and Long Winded Creature Extermination Spray.

Dumbledore surreptitiously checked his watch. "We'd better be going, children!" he said with a wave.

POOF.

"That takes care of that," Sakura said in relief. "Now shall we fight?"


	15. The End

**Last chapter, enjoy. I own nuttin.**

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The four contestants faced off. Sakura made ninja hand seals, Sandstorm flexed her claws, Trev took off his shoe, and Orihime looked for a quick way to escape.

Then, the battle began.

The clearing was alive with noises of senseless graphic violence and extremely messy carnage. It was a battle that would never be forgotten, even though no one was there to remember it except those in it, who didn't live very long. Every participant in the battle was too busy trying to avoid an untimely and painful death to remember any details, anyway. Not that you could blame them. An untimely and painful death wasn't exactly the most wonderful sounding thing that you could think of.

But unbeknownst to our daring heroes, another creature had snuck into the arena.

Hello Kitty skipped off happily into the sunset, breathing in the delicious aroma of the warm shrimp ramen cradled in her arms.


End file.
